Tuesday, March 23, 2010

RIP, my homie America

For the second time in 18 months, EVERYTHING CHANGED. Congress finished passing health care Sunday night. After a year in the goddamn bathroom, I think everyone was ready to finally get in there and see the damage. Even if you don't like the result, you're so happy the ordeal is over that you'll just plop right down and start your business. It doesn't matter that the smell in there could knock out a bull moose.

But I woke up on Monday morning with a rotten feeling. One weekend Barack Obama steals an hour of my sleep to give to poor people, and the next he's stealing my money to pay for poor peoples' abortions. The fact that I make under 20k/yr and pay over $100/mo for health insurance that pays for ZERO medical expenses before the deductible is immaterial; I hate poor people and the uninsured for their laziness. Maybe you've seen the film Scrooged? In this Randian tale from 1988, a father and his son have a heart-to-heart on Christmas Eve that explains what I'm talking about:
"Here you, Frankie. Merry Christmas!" (Father hands son a wrapped gift)
"Is it a choo-choo?"
"No, it's five pounds of veal."
"But I asked Santa for a choo-choo."
"Well, then get a job and buy a choo-choo!"

It warms the heart and teaches an important lesson. If you want health care, buy health insurance. If you don't want to pay for a private plan, get it through your work. If your work doesn't offer health insurance, get a job that does. If you can't get a job in the worst hiring economy in decades, then you obviously didn't deserve it. If Barack Hussein Obama ever held a real job in his life (we will define "real job" as the ownership of an oil company paid for by one's family connections) he'd know these things about the market economy. Instead, his biography reveals a shamefully mis-spent youth loafing about in urban communities to "organize" them. We laid out the streets in grids and built giant housing projects and filled the streets with cops; those places are plenty organized.

So America is totally fucked. The good news is that the Democrat party is similarly totally fucked. As Newt Gingrich said after the vote, them fly donkeys "have destroyed their party much as Lyndon Johnson shattered the Democratic Party for forty years." Mr. Gingrich refers to President Johnson's insistence on major civil rights legislation. His stand came with grave political costs as Southern white people weren't too high on the idea that Southern black people were their equals. That Lyndon Johnson and his commitment to equality; what a stupid asshole! That decision sure is hilarious in retrospect; standing up for his principles and President Kennedy's legacy over his party's short-term political fortunes! As if. But Obama's jumped down the same suicidal rabbit hole, and Republicans are poised to capitalize on his mistake. They will go home to their constituents this Fall and tell them "I did nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not only did I do nothing, I worked my fingers to the bone trying to prevent others from doing anything." If Democrats had any sense, they'd have put health care to bed and never ceded the "didn't do shit" high ground to their rivals. Oh well; their loss.

You'll notice I keep referring to this legislation simply as "health care." I do this because I don't know anything about it. I know that it's wrong, and that it will give my money to poor people. I think I read an article saying it'll give my grandmother to poor people as well, but what would they do with her? Probably sell her oxygen tank and other Medicare-financed medical equipment to pay for their asthma drugs and bullet wounds and whatever they buy there. Don't worry, though; my grandmother is already dead. I know that whatever they're doing with this bill costs a lot and it will add to the deficit. This frightens me because deficits are bad and the Democrats are causing them. President Bush (being Republican) held up fiscal responsibility as a cornerstone value. Did you hear word one about deficits under the last administration? No, because they ran a tight ship. If they'd been running all kinds of deficits, getting the country in trouble, we'd have heard about it. Their own party would have ripped them apart, and that's why we need the GOP back in charge. Principles.

Speaking of which, it is a daily tragedy that John McCain isn't in charge of this mess. He'd wrassle it into shape. He's always been a rabble-rouser; a tough guy. I respect that. I started watching "Battlestar Galactica" and I had reservations because, like Osama Bin Laden, they are polytheistic. I don't know what that's about. Do you just call them all "God" with a capital G? That would get confusing. But I stuck with it because Space John McCain is in that show and he's a badass. He doesn't take no grief from those softy liberals: I've seen him get up in that bull dyke Starbuck's face for threatening the sanctity of his marriage. And while Adama (What does that rhyme with? Why am I the only one asking these questions?) is trying to liberalize the fleet and let the terrorist Tom Zerek control everything, who stands athwart the rails of history? Space John McCain. Real John McCain needs to bust out his tough-guy eyepatch and show those pinkos in D.C. what's up.

I've gotten so angry writing all of this that I think I'll wrap it up a little early. The effort to repeal this bill is already underway and led by Mitt Romney. I like Romney. It takes real courage to stand up and oppose a bill that was based on Massachusetts legislation you advocated for, signed and used as a major credential in your Presidential campaign. Mitt understands that if this country's disastrous slide into decline continues, our children will be reduced to giving our grandchildren ridiculous names like "Mitt." Even Sarah Palin's retarded kid has a better name than that. These are the stakes. And it doesn't matter that repealing a bill requires passing another bill through Congress, then getting the President's signature. It doesn't matter that the President who'd sign that paper would be Barack Obama, who signed the first piece of paper that you're getting him to sign the second piece of paper to un-sign. It makes you wonder if government is deliberately complicated, just to confuse us regular Joes. I wouldn't put it past them. Government, I mean.


I couldn't let this happen without linking: the trailer for the upcoming Lifetime Original film "Amish Grace." It hit me like a ton of hand-molded bricks from a wood-fired kiln. The line read the husband gives at 0:20 in the video just blows my mind. It's so fresh, it's almost like he'd never before seen those words placed together in that order. They fall from his mouth with all the virgin beauty of a field just after snowfall; like a relic from before the Fall of Man.

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